Explanation

 Exodus 34:7, "Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting (punishing) the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation."

 If you were ever addicted to drugs or any type of substance you know that getting clean is possible, however in most cases not probable. You can completely remove yourself from the environment in which contains your resources, delete contacts from your phone whom are associated with your addiction, and pray for strength every day.  Ultimately in the back of your mind you are aware that even if you take these steps and stop using, you'll always be an addict. Life (regardless of whether or not you're wearing a 10 year clean pin or not) is going to always be a constant struggle and though we may not be able eradicate these generational curses to their entirety, we can take necessary precautions and fight them.

  A little over a year ago, I took a seemingly permanent Holiday from past relationships to rebuild and better establish myself.  Over the course of maybe 10 months my relationship with God began to strengthen, my respect and love for others began to grow (along with the desire to help them [direct bi-product of this new found love for mankind]). I became selfless and felt a tremendous sense of clarity in my life.  Although I was struggling with a stagnant relationship at the time, I felt as though I had a better sense of direction more so than ever before. This solitude and time for reflection was essential to help me fight my demons.


  I was (am) a selfish, foolish liar who desires affirmation and validation from an imperfect race.  The very men that denied God and decided that their desires were more important than putting our faith in his love, was who I was idolizing (non specific, all of mankind has/and continue to do this). 

  After those months, I felt the need to reconnect with those in which I don't deny that I love to no end.  At first this reconnection felt necessary and relieving. I felt at home yet again.  Little did I realize that relapsing doesn't only occur in substance abusers.
 
 A couple of weeks had passed and I fell into a world of conviction.  The past Brooke began to take hold of the new and redeemed Brooke and the process of digression began to actuate.  I started making mistakes and lying like crazy to prevent the world from seeing the monster I was reverting back to.  I finally had the drive to cut off the future-less relationship that I was holding on to, and used alcohol to dull the pain. I used alcohol to sleep. I used alcohol to blame for my mistakes.  The one thought that was recurring in my head the entire time was what will Katie and Mike think of the mess I've become.  How could I ever get them to forgive me? And with that I was more convicted than I'd ever been in my relationship with God.

  Restless nights and a creeping alcoholism (retrospectively) became physical ailments of my metaphysical struggles. Days passed and new knowledge that was learned acted as a bricks compressing against my heart.  It goes without saying that in some ways, these days went from bad to worse.

  Currently, I am in the calm wake of all of this reflecting with more clear of a head.  As an imperfect being (with addictive qualities) in order to grow, it is essential to not revert back to a dirty past. This decision was not made in spite of, or to blame anybody else.  The only person making the mistakes was myself and being that I am fully aware, I have the duty to act.

I will always love the two of you from a necessary distance.

B. Thompson